Two Years

It's been two years- two years ago today-
that you put that gun to your head and took your life away.

It's been two long years- two years that I have cried
because it was two years ago today that my Daddy, my world, died.

You left us no note, only hearts torn to shreds-
with millions of questions going through our heads.

We begged for you to get help- we cried, we prayed...
but I would've begged a million times more if it would have made you stay.

With two grandsons on the way you had so many reasons to live-
but instead you took your own life thinking you had no more to give.

You had no idea you were my hero, the reason I strived to do my best...
you thought you were a failure, couldn't see how you were blessed.

Your silly grin brought so much warmth and your brown eyes full of love-
especially when you talked about your family that you were so proud of.

Now looking in the mirror I see those same eyes but they're not as warm-
they're a bit cold, distant, unfeeling, the soul behind them brewing a storm.

I lost you, my son, my world, my life, my heart - just within weeks-
it takes every ounce of energy I have daily to keep the tears off my cheeks.

You could have never imagined the hole you left in me when you died-
one that can't be healed or filled up no matter how many tears I cry.

Not only did I lose you and my son, but I lost your family as well-
I think they blame us- hate us- think we put you through hell.

But we tried so hard to help you, loved you- maybe too much-
but you couldn't see past your demons, the alcohol was your crutch.

God- what I would give to go back two years and a day
so that maybe I could stop you, give you a reason to stay.

But on this day all I can do is miss you, cry, & pray that you're in Heaven...
it's been two years today- February 27.