Spotless Mind (yep, movie inspired!)

Spotless Mind
© Meesa Caudill


At this point in all our lives
we've all been deeply burned-
worlds have been flipped upside down,
we've suffered tremendous hurt.
We've all been through hell,
sometimes twice, and back again-
tried to swear off love,
enjoyed our fun living in sin.
Some of us are free to bare our scars-
most wear them like badges-
some people try to hide them-
cover them with emotional patches.

If only we could forget old wounds,
somehow wipe the slate clean.
New love wouldn't suffer sins of the old,
in fights, we wouldn't be so mean.
We live our lives & try to heal the pain,
hoping to leave our memories behind.
Wanting so badly to forget the pain...
Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind.

We've built up concrete walls to our hearts,
hoping someone strong could tear them down.
With each new love we hope and pray
but they never stick around.
We push them away or we choose to run,
heart is too fragile for another crack.
If we lose ourselves to love again,
we may never find our way back.
So we carry on trying to heal the pain,
heal the damage that's been done to our soul.
We want so badly to forget the past,
unsuccessful at letting it go.

If only we could forget old wounds,
somehow wipe the slate clean.
New love wouldn't suffer sins of the old,
in fights, we wouldn't be so mean.
We live our lives & try to heal the pain,
hoping to leave our memories behind.
Wanting so badly to forget the pain...
Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind.

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If You're Not Pissed Off

© Meesa Caudill


Well I hate to admit but I'm getting scared
every time I see the news.
Can't go to school, ride a bus,or watch a movie
without someone shooting at you.
And now the politicians and brainwashed sheeple
are trying to take away our guns.
They don't want us fighting back,
and they know Americans are too fat to run.
With every click of the internet
and on the daily news
we get fed a bunch of bull
and twisted, tainted views.
It's really starting to piss me off
that they want to control me and you.

Land of the free is what we've been told-
free to speak, worship, & get a piece of the pie.
But we can't speak, no praying in public,
it's all a bunch of lies.
Now we're all broke, we're stressed out and scared-
we're a country full of tension.
If you're not pissed off enough to want a change
then you're not paying enough attention!

Political plans no one understands,
a president famous because of his race.
Lost jobs, lost freedoms, no money, no hope-
we've become such a disgrace.
As a whole we just sit back and watch-
"it's ok as long as it's not happening to me."
We're so desensitized and immune
to the things going on across the street.
Start paying attention or one day you'll wake
to the government living in your home.
Taking away our basic rights,
making you bow to a throne.

Land of the free is what we've been told-
free to speak, worship, & get a piece of the pie.
But we can't speak, no praying in public,
it's all a bunch of lies.
Now we're all broke, we're stressed out and scared-
we're a country full of tension.
If you're not pissed off enough to want a change
then you're not paying enough attention!

Our soldiers are dying every day,
their last breaths taken on foreign soil.
Is it really a war against terrorism?
Or are they dying because of oil?
It's been happening now for so long
it seems most Americans have forgotten
about our men and women sacrificed
and flown home in flag draped coffins.
The ones who've survived are damaged
on the inside, out, or both.
They get lost in the cracks of the system
because they took that oath.
"Support and defend the Constitution of the United States
against all enemies, foreign and domestic."
It's starting to look like they need to fight
our government that thinks they're majestic.

Land of the free is what we've been told-
free to speak, worship, & get a piece of the pie.
But we can't speak, no praying in public,
it's all a bunch of lies.
Now we're all broke, we're stressed out and scared-
we're a country full of tension.
If you're not pissed off enough to want a change
then you're not paying enough attention!

It Could Happen To Anyone

It Could Happen to Anyone
© Meesa Caudill


I used to love my big little city, but now Lexington drains my soul. *sigh*

Every day I watch them, the homeless, as they walk past my windows at work, or as I pass them in my car while I'm on my lunch. Every day I see their worn faces, showing no trace of hope, as they limp up Second Street. As I watch them, I can't help but wonder who they used to be. The broken men I see wandering the streets now are someone's sons, brothers. Some of them are someone's dad, someone's uncle, someone's best friend. I often wonder what their story is, how they ended up in this place in their lives. Yes, quite often drug addiction or alcoholism is to blame- but what led them to that, even? A lot of them are veterans who get lost in the ridiculous system that is the "VA".

How many of you reading this automatically judge these men when you roll past them in your car? How many of you assume that if you give him a few dollars he'll go get a beer? How many of you assume that he's there because he's a loser/criminal/druggie and therefore deserves the misery? Have you ever truly LOOKED at some of them and wondered where their paths were lost and how they ended up on a gravel road of despair?

It could happen to any one of us.

Do me a favor and think about this, in depth, for just a few minutes. Allow me take you to another dimension where your world is the one flipped upside down... I'll even give you a few scenarios just to be sure you "get it".

You're a 30 year old man who has done hard, manual labor since you were old enough to work. You started out mowing lawns and working on cars in your spare time to working a full time job in the construction industry- building houses, roofing, painting, etc. Or you've worked in a factory since you were 18 years old and time is catching up with you. One day you wake up and realize you can barely move because your back is out. You go to the doctor and walk out with a prescription of pain pills and, because you cannot function because of the pain, you take them as prescribed. A 2 week prescription of pain pills and muscle relaxers isn't going to cut it- this is a permanent back injury- so you're on this medication for months. After a few months you realize the prescribed dosed just isn't cutting it anymore, you've gotten immune, so you have to take more and the doc won't prescribe you anything else. You need to be pain free in order to work to keep a roof over your head and to feed you and your family. So you start buying them from the street. Next thing you know, you're addicted. All because you were hurt. Now, your wife is leaving you because she can't take the lying about the addiction, the lying about where all your money is going, and being evicted and losing electricity because all your money goes to the pain pills. Next, you've been evicted- you're alone, you have no money because most of it goes to your pills to kill the pain, and now you have nowhere to go. You're homeless. You're a good, hardworking man but life dealt you a shitty hand.

OR

You're a hard working divorced woman, two children, and a stable, decent paying job. One morning you go into work and are called in to your boss's office for him to tell you that due to budget cuts they have to let you go. You've had no warning. Your parents can't help you because they are either broke or already passed on, your friends have their own problems and can't help you, and the father of your children does his legal minimum to help. Because of the economy, jobs are few and far between and because of your childcare schedule you can't just take any job offered because you have no sitter. You made good money at your job but unemployment doesn't cut it on paying rent, bills, childcare, and groceries. You can't get assistance because even on unemployment you "make too much money". Rent is due and so are all the utilities. Your utilities get turned off. You get an eviction notice on your door telling you that you have 14 days to move. In two weeks you and your children are now homeless with nowhere to go. You're a good, hardworking woman but life dealt you a shitty hand.

OR

You're a 25 year old man fresh home from Afghanistan. You were a normal, healthy teenage boy when you decided to join the military. Now you're aged before your time, physically disabled from the shrapnel in your leg, and you're suffering from PTSD. Dealing with the general public causes you anxiety, you can't physically do hard, manual labor and you don't have a degree or experience in anything other than military- so finding a job that pays more than minimum wage isn't easy. Your PTSD causes you to have night terrors which leaves you exhausted and unable to wake up on time for work, so any job you do find that you're able to do fires you because of excessive tardiness. You are on medication for your PTSD, you get lost in the cracks of the "VA", and you don't have the money to live in your own place. No family or friends that are able to help you out- you end up homeless. You're a good, hardworking soldier who fought for this country but life dealt you a shitty hand.

Yes, I know some of you will argue until you're blue in the face about how you think all homeless people are trash and why they deserve what they've got- but the above scenarios could happen to any of you. It happens every day, and now more often than you think.

http://www.nationalhomeless.org/publications/facts/Whois.pdf

According to: http://www.kyhousing.org/KICH/Content.aspx?id=2861&terms=homeless

"During the 2010 count, which took place on January 28, 6,623 homeless individuals were identified. The 2009 count located 5,999 homeless individuals, although a major ice and snow storm that hit the state around the same time of the count altered plans and prohibited efforts for the count.

• 1,460 homeless respondents were severely mentally ill.
• 2,032 homeless respondents were chronic substance abusers.
• 1,071 homeless respondents were victims of domestic violence.
• 564 homeless respondents were veterans.
• 15 percent of homeless individuals were completely without shelter across the state on the day of the count."

A lot of you look at these men and see trash. You see something you could never relate to. I look at these people and see wasted potential, faded dreams, and broken souls.

And that, my friends, is what breaks my heart.

Seeing In the Dark

Here's another brainstorm from a phrase that Jason Sheffield had given me a few months back when I asked for writing ideas.The phrases to start with were:

The key phrases:
* Looking forward to the past
* Hitchhiking in a ghost town
* Dont make me fall in love
* Six feet under but climbing
* I'm not a sex toy
* Seeing in the dark

(Just to make sure no one gets confused- this is not a current life experience. Just a writing bug! lol!)

Soooo.... here's:

Seeing In The Dark
© Meesa Caudill 


I lie awake and hear you breathing
mumbling something in your sleep-
I wonder what you're dreaming
and about the secrets that you keep.
I roll over and kiss your face
and hear you whisper a name...
it's not me you're calling out to-
and I've only got myself to blame.

All these years I've been blind,
not seeing what you need.
All these years you've given your all
and I can't give you any of me.
All these years you wanted a flame
and we didn't even have a spark-
it's taken all this time for me
to start seeing in the dark.

I was so arrogant to believe
you wouldn't find someone new.
Someone who could give their all-
give everything to you.
I underestimated your value,
didn't give you what you deserve-
and it took lying here in the dark
to see how much you're worth.

All these years you wanted a flame
and we didn't even have a spark-
it's taken all this time for me
to start seeing in the dark.