Seeing In the Dark

Here's another brainstorm from a phrase that Jason Sheffield had given me a few months back when I asked for writing ideas.The phrases to start with were:

The key phrases:
* Looking forward to the past
* Hitchhiking in a ghost town
* Dont make me fall in love
* Six feet under but climbing
* I'm not a sex toy
* Seeing in the dark

(Just to make sure no one gets confused- this is not a current life experience. Just a writing bug! lol!)

Soooo.... here's:

Seeing In The Dark
© Meesa Caudill 


I lie awake and hear you breathing
mumbling something in your sleep-
I wonder what you're dreaming
and about the secrets that you keep.
I roll over and kiss your face
and hear you whisper a name...
it's not me you're calling out to-
and I've only got myself to blame.

All these years I've been blind,
not seeing what you need.
All these years you've given your all
and I can't give you any of me.
All these years you wanted a flame
and we didn't even have a spark-
it's taken all this time for me
to start seeing in the dark.

I was so arrogant to believe
you wouldn't find someone new.
Someone who could give their all-
give everything to you.
I underestimated your value,
didn't give you what you deserve-
and it took lying here in the dark
to see how much you're worth.

All these years you wanted a flame
and we didn't even have a spark-
it's taken all this time for me
to start seeing in the dark.

Don't Go Fallin' For A Fallen Angel

Don't Go Fallin' for a Fallen Angel
© Meesa Caudill


I wish I was the perfect angel
that you see in your dreams
but sadly, my halo's a little rusted
and there's mud on my broken wings.
I get frisky when the horns appear,
you can tell by the smirk on my face.
I can go from good to bad in a second,
that's why I fell from grace.

So don't go fallin' for a fallen angel-
I don't want to pierce your heart with my horns.
Even the most delicate rose
can hurt you with it's thorns.
Don't let my rusty halo fool you
into thinking I'm good as gold-
I'm soft as heaven to be next to
but I'm hard as hell to hold.

I'll torment you with desire
and put you under my spell-
but don't try to hold too tightly
cause I'll drag you straight through hell.
I leave a trail of tears in my path,
shattered hearts I leave behind.
I can be as sweet as sugar
or I can make you lose your mind.

So don't go fallin' for a fallen angel-
I don't want to pierce your heart with my horns.
Even the most delicate rose
can hurt you with it's thorns.
Don't let my rusty halo fool you
into thinking I'm good as gold-
I'm soft as heaven to be next to
but I'm hard as hell to hold.

Don't Make Me Fall In Love (A writing experiment...)

Time to clear the brain again! I was doing good on the writing each night for a few days but I slipped again. I just mixed up a cake and have it in the oven for 40 minutes, so I'm gonna take this time to spill out some thoughts in font. My buddy Jason Sheffield gave me a few key phrases to build on and so I think I'm gonna experiment with that. I'm gonna try to throw a few in, hopefully all if my brain will let me! Let's see where it takes me! (Again, thanks Jason!)

The key phrases:
* Looking forward to the past
* Hitchhiking in a ghost town
* Dont make me fall in love
* Six feet under but climbing
* I'm not a sex toy
* Seeing in the dark

(okay, after a few minutes of deliberating, I don't believe I can do it with all of them at once. BUT I am going to allow the ideas to sink in and see what I come up with!)


Don't Make Me Fall In Love
© Meesa Caudill


Don't look at me
as if
I'm the only one in the room
if,
in your peripherals,
you're checking out
that girls
ass.
Don't speak to me
in that soft tone,
telling me your
secrets,
dreams,
and fears
if all you're doing
is trying
to convince me
to
fuck you.
Don't make me laugh
by being
charming
and witty
if the joke turns out
to be
on me.
Don't caress my skin
as if it's made of
priceless silk
if your only intentions
are to caress me
into
false intimacy.
Don't tell me I'm beautiful
and that I'm perfect
in your eyes
if you find perfection
in everything
with
tits.
Don't tell me that
you love me if,
in reality,
the only love
you have ever felt
is for
yourself.
Don't convince me
that I'm the only object
of your desires
if you get hard
at the
thought
of one of my
best friends
naked.
Don't fool me
into believing
that you're the perfect man
when my mind
(when logical)
knows there
is no such thing.
Don't make me
fall
in love
with
you.

Dreams of Alabama

Dreams of Alabama
© Meesa Caudill

It's been a long time since she's seen him-
since she wanted so badly for him to stay-
she lets her mind drift back a few years
to that warm, breezy night in May.
He was the only one she could see
in the bar's soft neon glow,
the world disappeared, no one else existed-
and for the night time moved so slow.
Such a short time she spent with him
but it made her want forever-
she never believed in love at first sight
until their precious time together.

She dreamed of Alabama starry nights
while lying in his embrace.
For just one night she imagined her life
surrounded by Southern grace.
Now her mind drifts off to Alabama-
but her memories have begun to fade,
life could have been so perfect
if her Alabama would have stayed.

It's been years since she's seen his face
and his dark chocolate brown eyes.
She gets a message that hes looking for her
and she begins to feel the butterflies.
The years apart have made her a cynic
so she puts the butterflies to rest,
but she can't stop the longing in her soul
and that aching in her chest.
She finds herself getting lost in daydreams,
trying to remember his dimpled grin.
Her thoughts get lost in Alabama
and she imagines what could have been.

She dreams of Alabama starry nights
and again lying in his embrace.
For just one more night she'll imagine her life
surrounded by Southern grace.
Now her mind drifts off to Alabama-
but her memories have begun to fade,
life could have been so perfect
if her Alabama would have stayed.

Sleepy thoughts...

Sleepy Thoughts
© Meesa Caudill


Echos of memories
thunder through my head-
lyrics of sad songs
fill my thoughts in this bed.
These lonely, empty rooms
occupied only with ghosts from the past-
they're the only company I keep,
the only relationships that last.
Haunted always by yesterday,
full of fear of tomorrow-
pillows damp with tears,
soaked in all my sorrows.
Prayers answered strangely
but never how they were prayed-
I'll go on reminding myself
that God works in His own way.
So for now the sad songs keep playing
as I lie alone in bed,
praying for the echos to be silenced
and for the thunder to stop in my head.

Run Away

Run Away
© Meesa Caudill


Run away, little girl,
run from your fears.
Run from your past,
run from your tears.
Run from the pain
that rips at your soul,
run from the regrets
of mistakes long ago.
Run away from love
so your heart won't break.
Run away from committment-
if you don't give, they can't take.
Run away from God-
He's taken so much from you.
Run away from the demons
that always show through.
Run away from everyone
that tries to get too close.
Run away from the ones
that love you the most.
Run away from it all,
keep running forward.

But stop to ask yourself-
what are you running toward?

Thunderstorm of You

Thunderstorm of You
© Meesa Caudill



My life was like a cloud-free day,
not a drop of rain in sight.
The air was crisp, the beginning of fall-
a perfect autumn night.
With just one glance you were there,
no warning, no alarm.
Like a funnel cloud to a storm chaser
I was entranced by your charm.
Our first days together were sunny and bright,
a few rainbows here and there.
And suddenly there was a dark cloud,
a heaviness in the air.

I had my days in the sun
and then the clouds came rollin' in.
I didn't heed the warning
when the thundering began.
My heart was struck by lightening,
there was a flash, and we were through.
How in the world does a girl survive
the thunderstorm of you?

The tears poured down like torrential rain,
your voice so loud, so full of thunder.
No flash flood warning to save me this time-
I felt myself go under.
Our angry words were hailing down,
striking our souls to the core.
I tried to run, tried to hide-
needed shelter from the storm.
So now I wait while it passes,
praying for crisp air and clear skies.
Hoping I no longer see
the dark clouds in your eyes.

I had my days in the sun
and then the clouds came rollin' in.
I didn't heed the warning
when the thundering began.
My heart was struck by lightening,
there was a flash, and we were through.
How in the world does a girl survive
the thunderstorm of you?

Liar, Liar

Liar, Liar
© Meesa Caudill


Liar, liar
your tongue's on fire
from telling all those fibs.
Liar, liar
you're such a crier
when I find out what you did.

"Baby, please believe me!" you say
as the lies roll off your tongue.
You carry the burden of all your stories,
I bet they weigh a ton!
Go find someone to believe your bull
and the venom that you spew.
There's no emotion left in my heart,
no more trust for you.

Liar, liar
your tongue's on fire
from telling all those fibs.
Liar, liar
you're such a crier
when I find out what you did.

You tell me that she's just a friend
so why are her pictures in your phone?
I don't need a liar in my life...
I'm better off alone.
She calls you on the weekend
late at night when we're apart.
You tell me she means nothing to you
but I know better in my heart.
So take your lies, and go to her-
maybe she'll believe your stories are true.
But as for me, I'm done with the drama,
and I'm done with you.

Nothin'

Nothin'
© Meesa Caudill


He says he's workin' late tonight,
don't bother waiting up...
walks in the door at 3 am,
smelling like the club.
But smoke and bourbon can't hide the smell
of perfume on his shirt,
Pretending to sleep, holding back tears,
she lets anger replace the hurt.
Next morning as she cooks breakfast
he reads the paper to relax.
He sees the look on her face, guilt eats him away,
"What's wrong?" he start to ask.
She just smiles and says,
"Nothin'."

But "Nothin'" means somethin'
when there's fire in her eyes.
She can smile and say "nothin'"
but she sees through your lies.
Don't think she's naive when
she hides behind the disguise
of
"nothin'".

He's still "at work" at midnight
and she knows it'll be hours before he's home.
She's out on the town with her best friends...
it's her turn to roam.
Tall, dark, and handsome is standing by the bar,
and he keeps looking her way...
some flirty conversation and a few drinks later
she decides to play.
She's cozy in bed by the time he gets home,
now the guilt kicks in for her.
Pretending she's asleep, she can't hold back the tears,
and she can't hide the hurt.
He kisses her gently on the cheek
as he climbs into bed.
As she kisses him back he can barely see her face,
wet from the tears she's shed.
He's afraid to hear the painful answer
to what he's known all along
wrapping his arms around her,
again he ask's "What's wrong?"
She just smiles and says,
"Nothin'."

But "Nothin'" means somethin'
when there's guilt in her eyes.
She can smile and say "nothin'"
but she tells her own lies.
Don't think she's innocent when
she hides behind the disguise
of
"nothin'".

I Knew Better

I knew better.
I should have known better.
You'd think I'd know better
than to go falling for you.

I shouldn't let you linger in my head
or be inspired to write songs about you...
I shouldn't be haunted by your eyes-
I knew what I was getting myself into.
I knew that you were dangerous-
I told you that from the start...
I didn't want you to touch me
for fear of you ripping out my heart.
Yet I ignored my instincts
and told myself you were 'just fun'-
I've tried so many times to quit you
but there's nowhere for me to run.

I knew better.
I should have known better.
You'd think I'd know better
than to go falling for you.
Punish me, I deserve it-
tear out my heart, you know you're going to.
I knew better.
I should have known better.
You'd think I'd know better
than to go falling for you.

Each time you come back tempting me
and I can't tell you no-
you know how to get inside my brain...
now you're invading my soul.
When you're not here I think of you-
when you're here I don't want you to leave...
I'm so stupid for letting you get to me-
how could I have been so naive???
And how can you be so cruel to me
to let this carry on-
knowing that I can't let you go
yet, in the morning you'll be gone.

So go ahead, tear out my heart-
we both know you're going to...
I expect the pain, I expect the tears-
my punishment for falling for you.

Me Bein' Dirty (hahaha!)

There you are standin' in front of me
looking so incredible...
you look and smell and taste so good
I wonder if you're edible.
Lick you like a lollipop?
Lil' Wayne, get it right-
I wanna suck on you like a popsicle-
don't worry, baby, I don't bite.
Well.. not unless you like that sort of thing-
if so, I'll start to nibble...
I'll work my way all over your body,
until you start to tremble.
I'll lick you up and down
until you can't take it anymore-
then you can have your way with me-
on the bed, the counter, the floor.
I like it how you like, baby-
just tell me what you need...
doesn't matter, fast and hard
or keep it slow and sweet.
We can go all night or just for a while-
who's keepin' track of time?
Don't think about anything else, boy,
cause tonight you're all mine.
I wanna be your porn superstar,
fulfill all your fantasies...
use that power that you possess
and bring out the lil' devil in me.

You're My Karma... For You

I've always heard that Karma's a bitch
and I've learned that the hard way so many times...
so you would think I would have known better
than to commit anymore karmic crimes.
But then that summer night you looked my way
and I wasn't sure why, but I knew it was wrong...
but the feel of your body dancing against mine
made me want time to stop to a never ending song.
The smell of your clothes, the heat of your skin,
your strong arms around me all night...
there was something about you that made me cautious
and yet the butterflies still took flight.
I tried so hard to turn you down
but your magnetism was too strong to resist...
and I knew I was wrong but I was hooked-
addicted upon first kiss.
So now you're my weakness, you're my addiction,
you're my pain... I have to make it through.
You're my payback- my heart is the fee ,
you're my karma for falling for you.

Seventeen

4 a.m., alone again, in front of this old computer screen...
playing songs that take me back to the days of seventeen.
I was young and wild- the taste of freedom exciting & new...
didn't have a care in the world... and all I wanted was you.
I gave you my heart that winter, gave you my soul that spring...
you gave me a key to keep around my neck, years later you gave me a ring.
We promised each other forever, not knowing forever just wouldn't be-
and now I sit here so many years later, ghosts of the past still haunting me.
Real love has evaded me since you, true emotion I can't seem to find.
I've been told that I'm too guarded, they tell me my wall is too high.
No one even dares to climb it, they damn sure don't try to tear it down-
I guess they know that once they cross it, your ghost is still around.

Thin Line

I love the way you look at me,
I love the way you smell.
I love your grin and your bright eyes.

I hate you! Go to hell!


I love the way you laugh,
I love the way you say my name.
I love it when I hear from you.

Fuck you! Stop playing games!


I love how no one else exists to me,
I love that you're always on my mind.
I love the way you touch me.

I'm sick of wasting my fucking time!


I love your sense of humor.
I love your charm and wit.
I love that you're intelligent.

You're an asshole & I'm tired of your shit!


I love that you make me laugh.
I love that you turn me on so much.
I love that you give me butterflies.

I don't want to long for your touch!


I love that you can't stay away from me.
I love that I can't leave you alone.
I love when you sleep next to me.

Don't ever call me again, go home!!!


I love it that we just seem to fit together.
I love how I feel when I'm with you.
I love it that you won't admit you're jealous sometimes.

Leave me alone, I'm through!!!!


I hate your fucking guts
and yet I love your fucking face.
You're the one I fucking hate to love.

You're the one I love to fucking hate!

My Addiction

I know I should have never
inhaled you into my soul.
The taste of you should have never
touched my lips
or left such a tingling to linger
on my tongue.
In such a time as this
with all of the drama
in my life-
thoughts of you are
the only thing to put
a smile on my face.
If anyone found out
my little secret -
especially him-
it would drastically change
my life forever.
It could possibly destroy
everything I have worked
so hard for.
But knowing this
does not deter my feelings
about you.
Its as if you have given me
the emotional strength
to not see the negative
in what I am doing.
When I am awake
all I can do is think of you.
When I am asleep
all I can do is dream of you.
The thought of seeing you
takes my breath
and impure thoughts
start running through my mind.
Oh, to breathe you in again
and to have the taste of you
on my tongue.
You are my new addiction...
my cocaine.

That Alabama Boy

From across the bar I see him ordering a drink alone...
'Wonder what he's drinking- is it beer or Patron?'
He glances at me with bright smiling eyes-
dark chocolate brown- youthful, yet wise.
He grins at me with a beautiful smile-
I introduce myself, and we talk for a while.
He's from the south- has an accent to make you melt-
he's never been 'up north', lives below the Bible Belt.
A gentleman, of course- set in his Southern ways...
tells me he's only going to be here working for a few days.
My heart drops a bit because I want to know him more-
his favorite color, favorite song, what does he smile and cry for...
He spoke in a voice so syrupy sweet-
his dimples, eyes, and dark hair made my knees get weak.
He was dressed so casual- loose-fitting jeans and a white tee, 
matched with bright white sneaks- a weakness for me.
His tan skin so bronze, his smile so bright-
he was tall, southern and mysterious- causing lust at first sight.
His laugh was contagious, addictive and real...
'Are these butterflies that I'm starting to feel?'
Everyone there disappeared- no one else existed to me...
'Why am I so drawn to this man when I know we could never be?"
I knew nothing about him yet felt like I'd known him forever-
I was hypnotized by his smile, his laugh... he was witty and clever.
He made me dizzy, my world began to spin that night at the bar.
I didn't need any alcohol- this buzz was better by far!
But I also came to realize that the ones that inspire poetry don't last.
They cause a fleeting passion, a deep infatuation, and then they pass.
None of us understand their reason- why we meet those who start the fires-
maybe it's so that we remember the heat that fuels us with desire.
To prepare us for the next real thing that may be just around the bend-
but no matter what, no matter where- the butterflies must end.
I've learned to hate it when a man inspires me to write...
they always end in poetic tragedy- I always lose my knight.
But that southern boy won't be forgotten- I'm glad I got the chance
to meet him while he was here and to catch his smiling glance.