I Hope

I hope you're happy-
you broke my heart.
I hope you're satisfied-
I'm torn apart.

I hope your days are bright
while mine are filled with rain.
I hope your body is numb
while mine is filled with pain.

I hope you're having fun
while I cry myself to sleep.
I hope you're really in love.
Oh, God, it hurts so deep.

I hope you're in paradise
while I'm in a burning hell.
I hope you're thinking of me,
but if you were you'd never tell.

I hope your dreams come true
while mine are being shattered.
I hope your soul is at peace
while mine is torn and battered.

I hope you're wondering
what it's like to meet death-
and I'd tell you if I had the chance
but I now take my last breath.

I hope you have the chance to know
what it's like to say goodbye
to someone that you've loved for so long.
Goodbye, boy, I hope you cry.

Passion

A heat Ive never known flows through me,
I feel the flame of lust ignite,
Baby take me in your arms
And make me climb the walls tonight.
Im feeling a little mischievous,
Naughty is my middle name
I want to make you feel alive-
Lets play some grown-up games

I know youre feeling the same way I do-
To hell with morals tonight.
I want you and I know you want me
So why are we putting up a fight?
Lets get raw, lets get dirty
Lets make each other sweat
I want to make you cry my name
make the neighbors want a cigarette.

Bring out the oils, play some slow jams,
Light a candle or two
Tonight lets just forget the world
Its only me and you.
Heartbeat to heartbeat, breath to breath,
The heat of your body on mine-
My legs wrapping around your waist,
Our fingers intertwined.

Lets break down our walls, break down the bed,
break each other in
Lets be deviant, lets be decadent-
To hell with consequence

I know youre feeling the same way I do-
To hell with morals tonight.
I want you and I know you want me
So why are we putting up a fight?
Lets get raw, lets get dirty
Lets make each other sweat
I want to make you cry my name
make the neighbors want a cigarette.
Lets get raw, lets get dirty
Lets make each other sweat
I want to make you cry my name
make the neighbors want a cigarette.....

Memories

Memories. The mind is a wonderous place. It stores things from phone numbers to birthdays to anniversaries to quotes. It stores pictures, and songs, and poetry. It keeps recordings of voices and videos of our life- bit by bit. And it's so funny how they can make us laugh and make us cry- just within seconds but sometimes even at the same time.

I have been in my house for two years now... and wow- there's a lot of memories here! I'll be moving at the end of this month and saying goodbye to my cozy little rental home, but I'll be taking so many memories with me. I've had good and bad times since living here- but nothing I ever want to forget. I've gone through two serious breakups while living in this house, and quite a few tears. I've laughed loud and hard with friends- many that I've met or gotten closer to since living here. I've been so angry I could tear this house down with my bare hands and I've been so crushed that I just wanted this house to fall in on top of me.

It's funny to me how your mind can flash back and take you to a certain moment in the past just by looking around a room in silence. "He would be sitting there when I'd come in from work" or "that's where mom started crying when she walked in on her suprise 50th birthday party"... or "that's where we danced for no reason at all"... and even "that's where he was sitting when he ripped my heart to shreds". And it's funny how your mind can make you see the exact thing you're remembering, and hear the exact things you heard, even smell the things you were smelling at the moment that something happened.

This house will forever hold the last two years of my twenties, the flame of two loves that have burned down to ash, the heartache of a few hurt feelings, the bellows of laughter from great nights with best friends, and the music of a few slow dances frozen in my mind.

I'm going to miss my quaint little ranch house. I'm going to miss the things I'd hoped for while living here but realized weren't feasible. I'm going to miss having my roommate to bitch to and about, joke with, and even punch in the nose on occasion- even though he drives me insane and I'm anxious to be by myself again. I'm going to miss all the guys coming by before work to play the Xbox even though it's been a while since that's happened. I'm going to miss the privacy of a house- even though I hate mowing the yard that goes with that privacy.

I still don't know where I'm going when I leave this house- but I am looking forward to another new start. I know that with the people that are close to me and the new ones I will meet in the future, even more terrific memories are going to be made in my new place- wherever that may be. I'll be turning 30 in my new place so I'm hoping that with the new place comes a wiser Meesa. Well... a girl can hope, can't she?

"It's surprising how much memory is built around things unnoticed at the time."  ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

"We do not remember days; we remember moments."  ~Cesare Pavese, The Burning Brand

"Things that were hard to bear are sweet to remember."  ~Seneca

"Memory is a child walking along a seashore.  You never can tell what small pebble it will pick up and store away among its treasured things. " ~Pierce Harris, Atlanta Journal