Wonderland

"I think you are in love with me"
you say slyly, like a child
who knows a secret.
"You just don’t want to admit it"

"I just want to hear you say it"
you declare, like the cheshire cat
who knows exactly what I’m feeling.
"I could die tomorrow"


But what if I admit it?
What if I come clean and tell you
that I can’t stop thinking about you
and that I miss you so much it aches.
What if I make a list of all the things
that I truly love about you
and give it to you
wrapped up in my heart
with scented paper and painted rose petals?
What if I were to tell you that I’ve fallen
down a hole of emotion
like Alice chasing the rabbit,
and that I haven’t felt things like this
for as long as I can remember?
What if I told you I’m terrified
that if I say it out loud
my words will turn my emotions
into solid form
and they will be dropped
like a cheap bottle of perfume
shattering all over the ground.

What will that accomplish in your eyes?
Will it mean that you’ve won the challenge
and the game will be over?
Will it stroke your ego so that
you can say you made one more fall?
Or will it mean that somehow
a magic solution will appear
like Alice’s mushroom-
and if I take that bite, take the bait
I will grow strong enough to face my fears
and end the conflicts I face?

Just give me time
and help me believe that I won’t awaken
under a shade tree in the lightning...
and maybe- just maybe-
I’ll take that bite.